Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
