also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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