it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize