Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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