He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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