The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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