I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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