I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
