Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize