Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
