I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
