i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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