You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
