I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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