I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
