why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
