So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries