I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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