i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
