Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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