I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
