do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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