You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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