blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
