a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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