I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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