Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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