He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
