Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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