In the future we'll all be gay
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
