This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
