Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
