New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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