I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
