your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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