I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
