so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
