Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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