Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she looked like the before picture.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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