hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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