I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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