wanna go halves on a baby?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
