Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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