She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
