i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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