My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my liver is dry heaving
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
