in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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