I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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