You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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