I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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