a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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