He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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