Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
