Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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