Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
