The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
