please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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