You smell like stripper and shame
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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