He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
