i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
