Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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