i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize
