if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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