It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
