I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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