what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
