Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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